7 weeks past....13 to go!

Things have been a little emotional over the last couple of weeks.  Most of the time I feel like we were living a dream on 9/9/10.  Last Thursday was a rough day for me.  It was the day I would have gone back to work after a 6 week maternity leave, so it's the day "our" baby girl turned 6 weeks old.  This past weekend on our way to our niece's baptism I couldn't help but remember the outfit I bought for our little girl to wear to celebrate her cousin's special day.  I find myself wondering almost on a daily basis how "our" baby girl is doing and what she looks like as she grows.  On the other hand I feel like there might be something wrong with me because I feel emotionally detached from what we've been through.  It seems so surreal that we were so close to being parents, that we held her in our arms, and then in a blink of an eye it was all over.  I find myself wanting to avoid social situations so I don't have to talk about all that we've been through.  It's still really difficult, and I don't know how long it will take before its gets easier. 
Zach and I both just continue to look forward to January, and feel so blessed that things are going so well this time around.  We are building our baby boy's wardrobe thanks to wonderful gifts from Zach's cousins.  The nursery is overflowing with blue sleepers!!  K is 27 weeks today and she continues to feel well.  Her last visit to the doctor everything looked good with baby.  I actually received a text from her on Monday asking if Zach and I want to be at her next ultrasound.  I was so excited!!  That was something we never got to experience our last go round. 
Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers as we continue towards our gift!
S&Z

4 Weeks and a Little Peace

It's been 4 weeks ago, almost to the minute that we lost "our little girl".  It's crazy to think it's only been 4 weeks ago.  Part of me seems to think it's been years, but I still have my moments of weakness when I just break down.  As prepared as we were for it to fail, part of me can't believe it really happened.  We were hours from bringing her home!  I think what I struggle with the most is all that we gave of ourselves to S.  We gave so much both financially and emotionally, we allowed her into our hearts and our lives.  I often wish we had the money back that we gave her, but I remind myself that we helped her and her son, and it felt like the right thing to do at the time.
I was reminded again that this was the right thing to do as I read my transformation journal today Luke 6: 27-36 titled Love for Enemies...

²⁷ "But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. ²⁹ If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt. ³⁰ Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. ³¹ Do to others as you would have them do to you....
³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. ³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

And so it brings me some peace to know that what we did was the right thing to do and that we were pleasing God in taking care of his people.   I'm sure we'd do it all again and reading this passage helps justify the feelings in my heart that want to save the world!